Me, myself and the fortuneteller

I look at my life as a huge buffet party. I don’t care what comes first and how it should end. I don’t give a damn if I have my desert first before proceeding to the entrée. I ain’t give no shit if there’s no bread in basket. Basically my life is not a freaking three course meal. I do my things when I like, how I like. There’s no rule……. but everyone need some chocolate soufflé in their life and I need mine too. So the chocolate soufflé in my life is horoscope (horror-scope the way I look at it). I know I shouldn’t believe in all this superficial thing, but hey, even in a buffet meal, you ought to start somewhere, so a little prediction might come a long…..way. I might have to walk a few steps before I reach the bread and butter pudding, but it’s ok as long as I know it is there. I guess i just need some assurance. And that’s how I got hooked on horoscope.

Every morning I would flip the newspaper to find out what life has in store for me. It’s like cigarette. You go easy at first, but then a pack of Malboro 10 can’t keep you at peace anymore. You need to climb the number up to 20 and before you know it, you’re a freaking chain smoker. Horoscope was my ciggies. A daily horoscope won’t do me any good, I need to know what will happen to me for the rest of the week. Or better still, why not find out for the whole month!!!!! Ah….the hell with a month, I’ll find myself a fortuneteller who can predict my whole future! What a brilliant idea!

So I took my craziness for fortunetelling one step further. Daily free consultation from local newspaper is not sufficient anymore. I need a stronger dose. My first fortuneteller was Master Chin. It was a coincidence really…coz I found him while jalan-jalan at Great Eastern Mall. I heard this guy is quite famous and he is pretty good. He can predict the future accurately. He even predicted siti nurhaliza’s career (at least that’s what the newspaper cutting on his wall said……..) so I thought this guy must worth something. He charged me RM30 for a few minutes consultation. I choose palm reading as I don’t believe in those tarot cards. He said that I have short temper, authoritative and difficult to control…….OK….so far so good….he also said that I always want to be free and I have knee problem. Hell I didn’t pay you 30 bucks to tell me something that I already know. Tell me something else!!!! (But I said this in my heart only lar…..takut gak la nak mengamuk hehe…..) But my time was up. I asked him about my career and he said that will cost me another RM30. Aww…come on…..I think he’s full of crap. But before I go, I asked him whether I will ever get married? He smiled back and said “of course. Not to worry”. At that moment, I felt like a child who tasted candy for the first time. I was back in my comfort zone. Fortunetelling made me smile…….

My mum was soooo mad when she heard that I went to see the fortuneteller. I told her that it won’t compromise my beliefs and that I didn’t believe the guy totally, I just need some assurance. That’s all. The funny thing is, it didn’t just stop there. I had another encounter with a fortuneteller. But this time it’s free. This guy is a Buddhist monk from a temple. Very pious….very accurate (according to my friend……..). It was also purely coincidence. There was this one Sunday, I went back to my office to finish some work. And my boss came in with this monk. We just had a renovation in the office, so she bring the monk to see whether the feng shui was right and I jumped at the opportunity. Since the monk couldn’t speak English or malay and I can’t speak Chinese, I had to use my boss as the translator (sigh…….what an invasion of privacy). But I need to know.

He said that I will lead a good and healthy life. I will have a good career but I am not very ambitious. I feel contented easily and I always have someone to save me every time I encounter problem. He asked me whether there’s anything else I need to know. I sheepishly told my boss to asked the monk whether I will ever get married. He said that if I don’t have a boyfriend, I will meet this guy on the ninth month. And if I already have one, that year will be a good year to get married. Again….i was relieved. Wohooo!!!!!My bread and butter pudding is indeed in the menu. I just haven’t reach there yet. It might be at the end of the buffet table, but it’s comforting to know that it’s there. Somebody just told me it’s there. So all I need to do is wait till the ninth month and the right person will come.

1 month before the ninth month, I realized that the monk didn’t tell me ninth month of which calendar! Oh this is brilliant!!!! I guess I just have to wait and find out. September came and i got a little agitated. I nervously smiled back at any Tom, Dick and Harry who smiled at me thinking that he might be the one. But nothing happen! My friend said that it maybe on the ninth month of the muslim calendar (which is Ramadhan) since I’m a muslim. So when Ramadhan arrived, I accepted every buka puasa invitation hoping that the right guy will show. But again…….in vain. My friend said that I got it all wrong. It must be on the ninth month of the Chinese calendar (which is Chinese new year) since the fortuneteller is a Buddhist monk. Hahaha…..and you guess it……Not a single soul show up. I was disappointed cause I run out of calendar to match the ninth month with and even more disappointed at myself for letting the whole fortunetelling thing got to me. I guess I just leave it to god’s good humour, the way it should be.

And now when my friend offer me the horoscope section, I look at her and said “are you kidding me? I should have been married by now. Stupid horoscope” well I guess I just need to rely on me, myself & I…………