whitelieswonthurt

Toad and 14 course meal

2006-09-11T02:07:00.000-07:00

What is the biggest spread of dishes you ever had in a meal? 6? 7? 8?. The most I had is 9 dishes in a meal. But last week I encountered a new number. 14 course meal – the most outreagous number of meal I ever had in one go. I was in Xiamen last week for an international conference and on our second night there, the host hosted a dinner for all of us. Being the only muslim there, I was very careful not to consume any pork or any other exotic form of meat. (I know, I know halal food doesn’t just mean not consuming pork). But I can’t starve myself for 5 days can’t i? So, when I arrived at the dinner table I carefully scrutinized the menu prepared and to my surprise one of the meal is TOAD. Oh god……being a polite person that I am, I told the host that I can’t consume toad since I’m a muslim. She understand and will let me know when the toad arrive.

So the dinner began…because of the large spread of meal, halfway through the dinner, I lost count of how may dishes we had and I began to panic. (please god, don’t tell me I’ve eaten the toad!!!!). To be on the safe side, I began asking the waiter everytime a meal arrived whether it’s toad? And they assured me – No…it’s just vegetable, No….it’s jellyfish, No….it’s mushroom. I was convinced. To my horror, next to arrive is the desert - Sweet soup in chinese pear. Oh lord! I must have eaten the toad without realizing it. To be sure, I asked the host whether we had any toad in any of the meal we had. And she said NO. phew…that was close. So I happily whack the sweet soup which tasted really delicious. In fact it was the most delicious dish. With strand of clear jelly in it and the sweetness of the pear absorbed into the soup. DELICIOUS.

When we done, I was casually chit chatting with the other delegation about the meal we had. I remember commenting that they wrongly printed the menu coz there was no toad in our meal. One of the delegates said “Oh yes, we do have toad, it’s in the most delicious meal we had. It’s suppose to be a desert” God! Well it was too late then…..but I had to say, it tasted pretty good. let’s look at the bright side. Next time I had somebody put the same dish before me, I know it’s toad.

Tuesday Blues?????

2006-07-10T20:29:00.000-07:00

This is my second week at the office after a longggg............ course. It’s 10.28 a.m and i am pretending to be busy with work. I have been staring blankly at this computer screen for 15 minutes before finally deciding to type out something. The letter that i am suppose to do was done an hour ago. My MP3 layer has gone kaput and i am relying heavily on my clerk’s radio as my only source of entertainment (Can’t connect to internet radio. Not sure what’s the f*%$ing problem). The weather outside still looks gloomy....still mourning France lost to Italy i guess....argh what the heck.. i don’t care whoever wins the world cup. This is bad...totally not good. I’ve got an international agreement to look at but i’m wayyy.......too lazy to even take a glimpse at it. I’m in no mood to work, no mood to surf the net, no mood to ym, no mood to everything. I’m like a lost soul with no purpose....hmmm i intend to keep it that way for the rest of the day. The agreement can wait....i guess i’ll just read other people’s blog. Haven’t done this in a gazillion years.

Theme Song

2005-11-23T11:56:00.000-08:00

How do you cool your lips?
After a summer kiss..
How do you rid the sweat?
After the body bliss..

How do you turn your eyes?
From the romantic glare..
How do you block the sound of a voice?
You'd know anywhere..

I really should've known
by the time you drove me home
by the vagueness in your eyes
the casual goodbyes
by the chill in your embrace
the expression on your face
told me...
maybe you might have some advice to give
on how to be insensitive

How do you numb your skin ??
after the warmest touch
How do slow your blood?
After the body rush..
How do you free your soul?
After you found a friend..
How do you teach your heart its a crime??
to fall in love again...

You probably won’t remember me
It's probably ancient history
I'm one of the chosen few who went ahead
and fell for you
I'm out of bold i'm out of touch
I fell to fast I feel to much
I thought you might have some advice to give
on how to be insensitive...

For the second time, this Jane Arden's song has become THE THEME SONG of mylife. Blodyhell.......i should have learnt from past mistakes. yeah you heard it right, mistake with an S. It used to be A mistake, now i just upgraded it to mistakeS. geez......when will i ever learned?

2005-11-17T17:05:00.000-08:00

Last night, i had to searched the whole house for a stack of photographs i planned to frame. I remember taking those photographs out of the album, but i just couldn't figure out where i put it. Darn it. I guess i'll find it when i don't want 'em anymore.

I have to admit that I am bad at remembering things – faces, events, dates, you name it. I don’t remember my old primary school friends. My mum said that I have a very selective memory (as I’m very selective at many other things as well). I only remember who I want or what I want ( which I think is totally untrue). There was once I got invited to my old schoolmate’s wedding. I was cracking my head trying to figure out which one she is. I tried to picture her face and I tried to imagine all the things we did when we were kids…..but in vain. Nada, zero, nothing. The section which suppose to store all the good/bad memories I had in my brain seems to be malfunction. But she was my best friend back then…..how can I not remember? Even my mum remembered how she looks like. Doesn’t matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t put it together.

on other ocassion, I was invited to a buka puasa event with clients this one fateful night during last year’s ramadhan. Well the reason I had to go was because I was the only muslim in the office plus my friends wanted to introduce me to one of our clients, so I figured – why not. Another reason I agreed was because a fortune teller told me that I will meet my dreamguy within that period. Who knows, maybe the fortune teller was right!

Apparently there were two eligible bachelor that night. One I fancy, the other I don’t. so there I was, trying my level best to look as casual and chatted the night away. At the end, we exchanged business cards and I actually believed the fortune teller had predicted correctly. I might actually found THE ONE. So the next morning, I became super anxious. I wanted to ask the guy I fancy out, but am not sure what the response would be. But of course by this time, I already forgot how he look like. So I looked for his business card and me being bold as always shoot him and e-mail to ask him out. Whatever the consequences I’ll take it. To my surprise, he replied with a considerably long email and agreed for a dinner/buka puasa. I was EXTREMELY happy but there’s one problem, I don’t remember his face. Argh….i don’t think that’s a problem. I’ll remember when I see him.

It took me several hours to choose the perfect outfit. I don’t want to look overdress and don’t want to appear too ‘normal’ either. I did my hair, choose the suitable makeup, choose the right handbag/shoes, well basically all the normal stuff women do when going out on a first date. I booked a perfect place. This is going to be lovely! So I reached there bout 5 minutes earlier (since I don’t remember his face, I figured it’s better if he approached me). I sat there brimming with excitement and a few minutes later, I saw a guy walking towards me with a smile, he look rather familiar and he pulled the chair. Then it strucked me – Bloodyhell! I’ve asked the wrong guy out!

I guess I don’t have to tell how did the night went. My mum laughed when I told her the story. “See I always told you to put a little effort in remembering things. Look what happen now”.

Moral of the story – ALWAYS segregate the business card of the guy you like from the whole stack. Sigh………….

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!

2005-11-13T19:55:00.000-08:00

Me and my brothers at a relative house.

Just to wish all friends and families SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI!!!.

From - Aida,Totty,Daniel and Johan

2005-10-17T08:30:00.000-07:00

I woke up quite early this morning cause i plan to wash my hair and try not to use the hair drier. According to my calculation it would take approximately 1 hr to have it nicely dry. So, i woke up at 4.30 a.m to have my 'sahur' and i had my shower at 5 a.m. (its bloody cold, i made a mental note to never do this again since i can hear pneumonia knocking at my chest). After the shower, i sat down while surfing through the net for anything interesting. I came across something called 'megachurch' which kinda interest me. I heard bout it before and i heard that it is gaining vast popularity among americans. This megachurch could accomodate close to 16,000 people in each congregation. wow! that's almost like going to a concert. I kept on reading and saw a slideshow on this megachurch. Who would have thought that a church could look like some 'canggih'fied building with thermal reflective windows, state-of-the-art sound system, screen projector and a stage right in the middle(instead of an altar) surrounded by thousands of seats. The first time i saw the picture of that megachurch, it reminds me of a stadium, a boxing ring - not a place of worship. I am not a christian, i embrace islam, but i've seen churches and megachurch is nothing like the traditional church that i've seen with stained glass and amazing architecture. This new church is so modern.......I am not saying that it is not good, but when i read about this megachurch, it got me thinking. Do we need to be part of 16,000 people to feel nearer to god? people have become so materialistic that effort had to be made to make material a centre stage even in the time of worshipping god. You don't need a 'canggih'fied screen projector or 16,000 other people to make you feel significant in the eyes of god, you don't need another 16,000 voices to make 'him' listen to you. Cause he is always near you, all you need is you heart. Right after i finished reading the article, i heard the azan subuh. I performed my wuduk to prepare myself before the almighty.

2005-10-05T10:07:00.000-07:00

I always look forward for tuesday for a double dose of desperate housewives TV series. 9pm it will be aired on channel 70 and 10.30pm on 8TV. But last night, i didnt switch to other channel when DH finishes. Instead, I was intrigued to watch the next series aired - House, a story about this crippled doctor. My heart was beating faster than usual, not because the show was out of this world, but because i was angry. The show, to my opinion potrays exactly the opposite of what a doctor should be - annoying, inconsiderate, rude, unethical and all the other bad words i couldnt think of at the moment.

on last night episode, a teenager was admitted to the hospital with symptoms similar to overdosage of drugs. Dr House (yes. his name is house) was informed by a young doctor that the test result conducted on this kid indicated that its not food poisoning, theres no trace of toxic in the kids blood and he doesnt have any medical complication history. But smart Dr House insist that its drug overdose eventhough the kids mother adamantly deny it and had informed that she had tested her kid for drugs and the result was negative. The information wasnt sufficient for house, so he got 2 of his young doctors to search the kids house for any traces of fancy home-made drugs. Is this actually legal / ethical? does doctors really do this? broke into someone elses home to find traces of possible cause of the illness? Ok fine, they found several jars of homemade tomato sauce and suspected that it could be the cause - and they were wrong.

Dr House and his team keeps on going back and forth to the kids house, and come back with a theory of possible cause and possible cure while gambling with the kids life in the process. If they happen to be correct, he will live. If not - tough luck! I dont know who is the writer of the series but thank god hes not a doctor. In one of the guesses house made, the kids mother refuse to let house provide a possible treatment for her son cause if it turn out to be the wrong treatment, the kid could die. House instead of showing concern, requested the mother to sign an undertaking letter to indemnify the hospital in the event her son died due to her refusal to allow the treatment. The mothers maternal instict told her that that was a wrong treatment, but she was confronted with the letter. so she re-thought her decision.

She was lucky she delayed the treatment cause another teenager was admitted with the same symptom. The new case immediately strike-out the treatment that house was about to give the first kid. If he had given it earlier, it could have been fatal for that kid. At the end of the episode, the cause of the illnesses was chemical from a newly purchased clothing. These kids bought the clothes and wear them without first washing it. So the chemical used for the clothing had absorbed through their skins into their bloodstream and contaminate the blood which ultimately cause the heart to fail. I found it unethical that House had first made a presumption of what could have been the cause (didnt anybody tel him that assumption is the biggest M*$#!!$F@%*&#!!), refuse to trust information from the patient or the patients family and would rather keep on testing possible treatment even though if it means losing a patients life.

If thats not enough, he is also annoying and rude. The last thing a sick patient want to see is a rude doctor. Although its just a TV series, i have to say this - House sucks! Big time!

P/S:I still couldnt type the apostraphe. sigh

Happy 48th Birthday Malaysia!

2005-08-22T14:50:00.000-07:00

When i was asked to fill in a column stating my hope and aspiration for the government in the next 10 years, i was a bit worried that what i was about to write will send negative signals to all of the government officers who will be evaluating me (Yes, i applied for a diplomatic officer position) and looking from far at other candidates while filling in the column, i noticed that they have written down lines and lines of their hopes and aspirations. Whereas for me i only have 3 words - "To make changes".

As part of my committment to see Malaysia grow, and as i promised to Desi, i have submitted an article for his project - "THE MALAYSIAN DILEMMA", a project to discuss / highlight the various challenges and issues of importance facing Malaysian. It is just a view of an insignificant young female who's hopes and dreams stretch further than the newly discovered planet by NASA. So here goes nothing!

PROJECT - THE MALAYSIAN DILEMMA

HAPPY 48TH BIRTHDAY MALAYSIA!

Approximately 9 days from the date that I’m writing this, Malaysia will celebrate her official 48th years of independence. 48 years ago, our forefathers looked forward to the magical date - 31 August 1957 to celebrate their victory in fighting for the motherland, their rights to dictate the future of this blessed soil and the freedom to uphold the sovereignty of this country. But 48 years later the magical date has lost its charm, 31 August has become just another public holiday with lots of concerts and the true meaning of ‘Merdeka’ has been buried along with the heroes from those days…forgotten and unimportant.

To be honest, I do not really feel the spirit of Merdeka. Maybe because I had never experienced the difficulty and the agony of the people in that era, I just learnt all that from text books and from my father’s experiences. I’m sad to admit that 31 August every year has become just another public holiday for me, longer time in bed and more time for TV. But if there’s one thing that I look forward during Merdeka celebration is the multicultural performance. I like to be reminded of the harmonious multiethnic nation I’m living in.

Race issue has become an integral part in the development of this country. If we look back during the time of the British occupancy, British were very smart. They have brought in the Chinese from china to work in the mining industry and Indians from India to work in the estate in Malaya. From my point of view, this was to create polarization in the country. The Chinese had grown economically strong, while the Malays had powerful force in politics, a formula deliberately created by British to form a divergence in the society which will ultimately lead to a more sensitive issue – Race. In view of the uneven distribution of the economic wealth and political power between Malays and Chinese prior to Merdeka, one of the conditions given by British before ‘releasing’ Malaya is that there will not be any disorder between the major races, failing which there will be no independence. I guess the British never had thought that their plans will backfire when the Malays and Chinese agreed to find a solution to the uneven distribution and decided that it’s time for the British to go. As such, the social contract was born where the Malays will surrender some of their political power and the Chinese will help their Malay friends to gain economic strength.

Unfortunately the noble idea of a social contract had been used over and over again by politicians for their own personal victory. Everytime a ‘race’ issue was brought up, I become very worried. The recent NEP issue is a perfect example. To paraphrase a professor from UIA ‘the cultural stability despite the multiethnic group in Malaysia is not because of our full understanding of the other ethnic. But the stability was based on a perfect tension. Its like when you play the guitar, each of the guitar string need to be on a right tension so it can create the desired sound. That’s how it is in Malaysia. The tension was created so each race in Malaysia would have the chance to show their full potential’. Honestly, my 26 years old brain do not understand why does these politicians need to add more pressure to the already intense ‘guitar string’ since too much tension might cause the ‘guitar string’ to snap.

It is sad that four decades after the independence, we are still unable to free our mind. We are still making decisions based on our race, the politicians’ manifesto will fight for the wellness of only their own race, people will vote for leaders from their own race, employers refuse to employ candidate not from their own race. We have become very selfish and overlook the fact that Malaysia was not built by only the Malays or the Chinese or the Indians but it was a joint force from these three major races. We are still unable to see Malaysian beyond the colour of our skin. Everyday in the train on my way home from work, I notice that schoolchildren will hang around people from their own race. Malays will flock around Malays, Chinese will hang around with other Chinese and Indians will also be among themselves. This thing also happen in the public university where each students prefer to mix with just their own race. Be it in the lecture hall, cafeteria, library or the dormitories. I still remember when I was in the Uni, I specifically requested not to be put in one room with other Malays, well at least one of my roommates has to be from a different race. Not that I hate my own race, but it was because I looked at it as my only chance to learn about their culture and all of them had become my good friends. I celebrate Chinese new year and throw mandarin oranges during Chap Goh Meh, I learn to wear saree and help my Indian friends to cook the sweet rice during ‘Ponggal’ and my friends definitely enjoy watching wayang kulit and fasting with me during Ramadhan. I was glad I made that request coz between me and my friends, the only thing that reminded us of our race was our name.

If I have one wish for this coming National day, I would wish that we can free our mind and embrace the rich culture that we have. The government agenda should not only streamline on development of only a certain race in the name of ‘patriotism’ and distribution of wealth has to be fair and equal. I think the race issue is one of the enormous challenges faced by the people in this country and definitely an issue that need to be look at more seriously so we can prosper not as Malays or Chinese or Indians but as Malaysian.

Aircraft for Sale

2005-08-20T13:50:00.000-07:00

It's funny that i don't even know how to check the battery water level in my car but I can tell how to check a propeller, landing gears and the ground equipments of an aircraft. That's right u heard it right - An aircraft. sounds cool right? guess again......well not check as in maintenance of an aircraft....check as in identify those parts coz i had a chance to familiarize myself with the equipments. I don't own an aircraft but i sorta 'inherited' a Twin-otter from a collegue (Thanks a lot ALB!!!! sigh!) since he's been posted outstation. Ok lets get straight to the point, I am suppose to dispose this aircraft and it is currently located in ?????. So anybody / anybody who know anybody or a company who feel like splurging some extra cash on this twin otter, drop a note. I'll fill u in on the details of the aircraft and its location. BTW - i am serious, dead serious!!!!!

P/S: TYY, this blardy KII job is killing me, u think this out of the ordinary advert method will work eh?

2005-08-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

This is great, 8.15 pm and i'm still at the office. My head is about to explode doing the bloody report. Pass the report to my boss about 10 minutes ago. She 'cabut'ed once she got the report and now here i am alone in the office trying to solve another case where we basically hit a brickwall. And guess what, my laptop 'merajuk' cause i guess i overworked that poor thing and it just stop. It crashed and me being smart, forgot to save the report. so everything's gone. Argh....for the past 5 hours, i have constructed 'nice' sentences for that bloody report. I don't wanna do that share valuation again!!!!!!! Oh well, thank god i've printed a copy. I guess tomorrow i just get one of my staff to re-type for me.

Urgh....I just hate monday!

NEP Blues

2005-08-01T09:30:00.000-07:00

I was glad that TV3 showed a repeat of the Exchange last Saturday night. I thought I missed out the chance to watch Datuk Chua Jui Meng and the “towering” deputy UMNO youth leader, Khairy Jamaluddin to debate it out bout the NEP. It has become quite an issue after the UMNO youth proposed for a revival of the NEP ‘spirit’ during the recent UMNO assembly. Honestly, I didn’t even watch the UMNO assembly. No particular reason, except that I feel it’s like a soap opera - too much dramas, too many actors, too predictable and none of the story is real. So I guess I didn’t miss much, but when UMNO youth brought up the NEP issue, I really wished I didn’t miss that.

My dad pointed out bout the issue the next morning over breakfast. “Check-out the newspaper, they are trying to revive the NEP. Quite sad isn’t it?” - so I read the paper and feels like I just have to point out something about the issue (especially after watching the Exchange). Based on my limited knowledge of the NEP and based on my reading of “Malaysia Kita” the policy was introduced in the 70’s following the 13th May tragedy. One of the main objectives of the NEP was to eradicate poverty among the bumiputras and bumis are expected to achieve at least 30% equity of the economic cake within 30 years. This social contract has become a national agenda.

I know what I’m about to say will not make me popular, but I will say it anyway. The NEP has failed! Oh wait, let me correct that. The policy didn’t fail but the implementation of it has failed us – Malay. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but that’s the truth. It was a social contract that was agreed by all the races in this country that the bumis or rather malays will be allocated 30 years to achieve the 30% equity. But sadly, when the time due, we only achieve a fraction of the percentage. How in the world did this happen? And from what I understand, the malay’s equity in the economic cake back in the 80’s already reached 18%, but 2 decades later, the percentage didn’t move, not even by an inch. Something is definitely not right.

In the Exchange interview, khairy mentioned that there were a lot of leakages happened in the past. For instance, malay contractors did not take full advantage of the opportunities given yadda…yadda….So here I am, a 26 year old malay woman sits and wonder. Hmm…so not taking full advantage aye? Was it because malays do not know how to do business? It can’t be. Malays are smart people. We have already muster the tricks and trade of business way back in the “zaman kesultanan melayu melaka” (Not sure how to put that in English) we were already successful businessman back then. So that can’t be the reason. Then, what kind of leakage? So these 2 questions crossed my mind - Were there enough opportunities provided? Were there fair distributions of the opportunities? The later, concern me the most. Chua Jui Meng mentioned that during his 9 years of service in the cabinet, the government had poured a lot of monies to make the policy work. So why didn’t it succeed? Even if there were huge opportunities provided by the government, if there were no fair distribution, then I’m not surprise if we are still at 18%. Take the still sizzling AP issue for example. Were there opportunities provided? – YES. Were there fair distributions of the opportunities? - NO. There! I rest my case.

I think it will be a better and more meaningful thing if during the UMNO assembly, the UMNO youth brought up an agenda to investigate why does the NEP fail? What are the factors that contribute to the failure? how to move forward to better ourselves learning from mistakes we might have made in the past? and how to create awareness among malay businessmen not to “Ali Baba” their contracts and projects. Not just to ‘REVIVE’ the NEP. Let’s face it, we had our chance and we blew it. Our time is up. Now we need a plan B. It’s as simple as this - If we can’t reach the desired percentage within the ample timeframe given, what makes us think that protracting the time will help us achieve the objective? What guarantee can we give not just to other races, but to all the malays that there will be no more so-called leakages? If after an extension of say….20 years we are still far from our target, would we still propose for another ‘revival’? Come on….have some pride! We are better than that.

Since UMNO people likes to use pantun during their assembly, hehehe…..i append herewith a piece of my umm….not pantun more like sajak I guess….as follows:

“Melayu bukan bodoh, melayu bukan lemah
Tapi kalau mudah melatah,
terlalu mudah mengalah
Serakah kuasa mengalir dalam darah
Kepentingan bangsa tidak diendah
Sukar bangkit jika tidak dipapah
Melayu akan kalah”

P/S: altho’ I don’t agree with khairy, I think he looks hot in the interview. Too bad he’s married. But wait! Muslim can take up to 4 wives *wink wink* hahaha…just kidding!

Just another Manic Sunday!

2005-07-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

2 words……Busy! Busy! Err…..well actually one word repeated twice (hehe….to emphasize how busy I was last weekend). Initially I had 2 photo projects to handle last Sunday. I need to re-shoot the birds for the photo contest, looking at how bright the sky was that morning. Here’s a snapshot of what happened last weekend.

Saturday (16/07/05)

9.00 a.m : Wake up, clean-up my room, shower & breakfast
10.00 : Checked my camera equipment
10.30 – 2.30 p.m: Shooting at KL Birdpark
3.00 : Develop my pictures
5.00 : Shop for any other shortages in my supply of photographic necessity
7.00 : Reached home
8.00 : Start editing my pictures (this process could take hours….i finished editing around 1.30 a.m)

Sunday (17/07/05)

7.30 a.m : Wake up / do laundry / clean house / cook breakfast / shower /
Prepare equipment
9.30 : Send Daniel to Puduraya
9.45 - 12.30 p.m : Shooting at KL Birdpark
1.00 : Reached home / cook lunch
3.00 : Find new photolab. The previous one pisses me off!!
4.30 : Reached home / pengsan for 1 hr
6.00 : My parents reached home / cousins came to visit
8.00 : Brainstorming for my forensic report

I never did bird photography before, so I signed up for the contest to challenge myself and to find out my ability. I do portraiture and still life and occasionally street photography so bird photography is a totally new area. I find it quite difficult as it requires a lot of attention, patience and focus. I didn’t enter the contest to win, but my photos will be on display (hopefully!!).

P/S: A friend actually suggested that I do my own exhibition for all the portraits I took. Is planning for that at the moment, hope to conclude the project by end of the year wish me luck!

2005-07-17T19:04:00.000-07:00

technically not right. Thus i'm not sending it for the contest. But i somehow like the pics.Will upload other pics that i took when i found the time

2005-07-17T19:02:00.000-07:00

This is not a bird pic. Hehe...spotted a troop of kindi students. so i curi 1 shoot

Wishing upon a star

2005-07-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

Sometime last year I made a call to my mom at her office. It sounded something like this:

Me: What’s your blood type?
Mom: Why do you want to know?
Me: I’m filling in this form and they require my blood type. I don’t know my blood type, so I figured since we are biologically related, maybe I have the same blood type as yours.
Mom: What? who taught u that? What form?
Me: Alaaa……u know this……umm Angkasawan Programme………sesaje je……..I just need to put in something in this column. So what group?
Mom: Angkasawan my #$%. You don’t even want to ride the genting highland’s roller coaster and now you want to go to outer space? Besides what are you gonna do up there? Do their balance sheet?
Me: Noooo…..alah mak ni. Ni untuk suke2 je la. Bukannye betul2 pon. Takde mane dia nak select Aida nyer……..but I still want to send in my application. Besides, people send monkeys before. Monkeys can’t do balance sheet.

Yes sir! I did apply for the Angkasawan Programme. Have I ever dream of becoming an astronaut before? Nope. But I like watching Armageddon and star wars oh! and I also like to play that spaceship game on Nokia handphone…..does that qualify? Hehehe…. I will be lying tru my teeth if I said that I send in the application purely for the fun of it. Deep down at the pit of my stomach I do hope that I will be selected (although the chances are next to impossible). I am a dreamer. I dream to do so many things. I want to be a professional photographer (that’s not too far I hope), a fashion designer, a CSI officer (CSI as in Grissom, not Jabatan forensic Bukit Aman), an Egyptologist, marine biologist, Angelina Jolie (heheh…) so why not add an astronaut to the list?

Yesterday, I received and e-mail from the Angkasawan programme, requesting me to update my data. Hey…… I thought they have already chosen the candidate???? Hahaha……... As long as they haven’t send someone out of the orbit yet, I guess maybe I still have a chance.

“Houston, eh silap, KL we are ready to take off in 5,4,3,2,1…….”

He's Just Not That Into You

2005-07-04T09:15:00.000-07:00

Oprah said “this book should be on every single woman’s nightstand”. People all over are raving about this book which supposedly the honest viewpoint of a guy towards relationship and specially dedicated to successful single women who’s wasting their ‘pretty’ being in a ‘shitty’ relationship. I didn’t even intend to purchase the book at first since I consider it to be bloody expensive (RM42.90 for 200 pages of size-14-font book). Besides it was co-written by two Americans? Americans for crying out loud! They are psychotic bunch of people………..hmmm can I actually trust their word??? Arghh…what the heck, I checked my purse, saw the RM50 note and I headed straight to the cashier.

I finished the book within a few hours (shit! should have just stand in kino to finish the book and get a copy of Dan Brown’s instead) and it got me thinking. This guy is right, man is not complicated and there is no such thing as mixed messages. It’s the women who created all the excuses…”Oh he’s too busy he couldn’t call” or “Maybe he lost my phone number, I think I should give him a buzz just to make sure….” or “maybe he feel intimidated by me” yada…yada…yada. All sounds familiar right? It sure does to me………..cause I use it all the time, sometimes just to keep my hopes high. Greg was right, if a guy really interested in you, it doesn’t matter if he is the most important person in the world, he will definitely find time to call you to say that he will talk to you once he’s free. If he doesn’t….then, he’s just NOT that into you. If a guy said they will call you and never did, don’t create excuses for him, he’s just NOT that into you! Who would forget to call a person they dig so much????? And if he forgot to call you, clearly you are not in his mind. I can’t believe I was so bloody blind all this while. So how do you know if a guy is just not that into you? Here are a few tips from Greg:

1. He’s just NOT that into you if he’s not asking you out
2. He’s just NOT that into you if he’s not calling you
3. He’s just NOT that into you if he’s not dating you
4. He’s just NOT that into you if he disappeared on you

I noted after reading the book that Greg is quite a conservative guy, he believed that a man should do all the hardwork in chasing the woman of their dreams. But I don’t believe in waiting, if I like a guy I will ask him out. I’m lacking in my supply of patient. I wouldn’t wait for a gazillion years before he decided to ask me out for coffee. So what’s wrong in asking a guy out??? Besides, we are not living in 1920s it’s already 2005. It’s the way it is nowadays. But Greg beg to differ. He made a non-scientific poll on males in serious relationship and found out that none of them started with the women asking them out first. And come to think of it, he might be right. I notice that all my friends in a serious relationship, all started with the guy asking them out, not vice versa. All this while I was the one who made the first move, I ask a guy out and even pay the bill. No wonder none of the guys ask me out on a second date.

From now on, I will use Greg’s tips in decoding male behavior. Guys all over the world are the same, doesn’t matter what color or race you are. It’s imprinted in the bloody Y chromosome which exist in the male species of the homospiens. From now on I will put on my feelers and pick up the signal once it’s transmitted. If he’s not asking me out, or if he couldn’t find a lousy 2 minutes in his insanely super-busy life to give me a buzz, then I shall pack my bag and hit the see-you-later highway, cause I won’t waste my time with a guy who is just NOT that into moir….

Tried and tasted

2005-06-28T16:40:00.000-07:00

My friends call me an anti-social as i don't go out very often. Eating-out is also a rare topic in my microscopic social life. But the eating places i've been to are for sure the ultimate must-try eateries around KL which suits all wallet whether downright skinny or a well padded wallet. I think i shoulda get comission from these restauranteurs for promoting their place but hey, good things are meant to be shared. I have personally tasted all the foods and i reserved my rights to opined the verdict of these restaurants. (Hehe kena kasik disclaimer sket). so here goes.....

TAMARIND SPRING

This is a must-go whether u love thai food or not. And for u guys out there.....This is the ultimate romantic place to wine and dine ur loved one. Food serves are Thai with house specialty of ant egg salad (But rasanye muslim takleh makan kot, takut jadik bodoh makan telor semut). It's located at Ampang (near kelab darul ehsan). The ambience is Purrrrrfect. It's surrounded by lush greenery and at some spot it overlook the kelab darul ehsan's golf course. With asean contemporary deco.It's perfect. You will just fall in-love with this place. Bar is available - with choices of champagne (including moet & chandon) / wine . Price not too bad. Starts around RM20 (If i remember it correctly), RM100 should be sufficient for 2 ppl.

TAMARIND HILL

Adik beradik ngan Tamarind spring, but it is a little less expensive than spring. same food genre, same perfect romantic ambience just different location. It's also in Ampang but about 10 minutes away from spring. It's near the international grammar school. Also 2 thumbs up.

CEYLON HILL

Another good getaway from the hustle and bustle of the city. 'A secret garden' as what they call themselves. Located bout 5 minutes from KLCC at the back of City square. It is a bungalow house renovated into a restaurant and art gallery. serve Western / Fusion / Local. Located at
Er....I don't really remember the name of the road, but if u come from Kg baru, u need to turn at the junction on ur left before city square. Then turn left again. u'll see ceylon hill. The ambience is Nice & cosy. Nothing to shout-out bout the deco. But it's very comfy there. There's also an art gallery, so for those artsy-fartsy type this is kinda like your mothership la.... Yes there's bar and they serve the best sangria. Price - Affordable. standard pricing. start around RM15 . A must-try: Death by Chocolate (chocolate cake)

Heritage Row

This row located at Jalan Doraisamy and consist of several wonderful restaurants:

Cochine / Bar Savanh - serves indo-chine food. Foods are quite good u might wanna try the cambodian chicken (communist chicken as i call it). It's fantastic but beware, the foods are quite heaty (spicy le tu...). U might love the deco. but i hate one of the waiter. what's up with the accent la??? and sooo stuck up. But still the food worth trying. They offer the best price during happy happy hour. for drunkards out there. u might wanna come here.

Kristao - Serves Portugese foods. Deco-OK. Food wise - Decent. But try out their portugese
laksa. It makes you wonder......hehe gi try baru tau apsal...

Vanilla Box - Cosy homey feeling restaurant. Serves basic western food, such as mash & sausage chicken schnitzel / pies. But they make fantastic cakes. The best tiramisu i ever tasted!. Price wise - very affordable

Senja - Malay cuisine. Alamak.....sayang la beb. Food is not that fantastic, service are super slow. Tapi kalau nak tgk artis2 meh ler sini. Price - affordable.

The Ivy - Deco agak gempak la....tapi kalau byk sgt kerawang sana-sini, peh tu tak clean up properly......sayang jer. This place has the english deco and serves not-so-traditional english food. Kira western + fusion ler....Bar available tapi if i'm not mistaken..mahai...Food are a bit more expensive, starts from RM30 kalau tak silap. The place looks a bit gothic from outside.

That Indian Thing - The name itself suggest what kind of food they serve. Well as compared to
mamak, you have to pay RM20 for your Nasi briyani here. But the food is great. Plus the deco is superb. U'll love this place and they serve a fantastic ghulab jammu cheese cake! who would have thougt u can make cheese cake from ghulab jammu??? fantabulous!

Palacio - Serves Italian / western. Food are quite good but i haven't try every single dishes la.
The fish based dish are fine. Deco-inviting. Price- affordable. Service so-so only. But they have this one cute guy who work there. Hehe....suka gi sana cuci mata

The Loft - Aiyoh....Bad choice. The japanese side i heard was ok, but the Italian side was a bit dissapointing lar.....apart from the italian chef whom i find quite good looking, the rest are a bit dull including the food. Price - Expensive. They charge you $13 for half can of coke. But hey if you have some extra cash. It's ur call. deco is OK. a bit too dark to my liking. There's a bar upstairs but never try it. Happy hours only start at 9.pm

KL TOWER

Food was ok. Tapi it's a buffet la. quite huge spread including western/japanese/local. They also have live band performing. Romantic? Yes......but it kinda kill the mood when you have to walk to get your food. and buffet? alamak..... kira kalau amik tuh memang bertimbun la....so sesapa yg nak control macho / ayu tu susah le sket (at least for me ler...). Best time to go is around 6.45 to 7.00 when all the surrounding buildings start to switch on their lights. The view was spectacular. Standing 300m (errr... ye ke?????) from the ground, it's no wonder if u are on cloud 9 at that time.......

The Westin

Deco-Impressive, Price-not cheap, Food - lousy: Enough said. Not recomended (This recommendation exclusive of their italian restaurant.haven't try that one yet).

Bora Ombak

Food genre dominated by local / balinese food but they also serve the standard western (chicken chop and stuff....). Pricing is decent, very affordable actually. ambience is cosy with balinese influence. They also have live band performing every thursday to sunday nite. BUT....i hate the flooring. It's such a lousy flooring. I hope they will change it. My brother said "wuish...syok gak kalau bawak awek datang sini. tapi not someone like you.....banyak bunyi.." Well i told you i hate the flooring....

Macam banyak lg jek tempat nak recommend. Tapi i think i stop here for this entry. Tak larat dah nak menaip. Alamak I missed out my favorite joint lar.....Nantilah maybe next time.

Me, myself and the fortuneteller

2005-06-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

I look at my life as a huge buffet party. I don’t care what comes first and how it should end. I don’t give a damn if I have my desert first before proceeding to the entrée. I ain’t give no shit if there’s no bread in basket. Basically my life is not a freaking three course meal. I do my things when I like, how I like. There’s no rule……. but everyone need some chocolate soufflé in their life and I need mine too. So the chocolate soufflé in my life is horoscope (horror-scope the way I look at it). I know I shouldn’t believe in all this superficial thing, but hey, even in a buffet meal, you ought to start somewhere, so a little prediction might come a long…..way. I might have to walk a few steps before I reach the bread and butter pudding, but it’s ok as long as I know it is there. I guess i just need some assurance. And that’s how I got hooked on horoscope.

Every morning I would flip the newspaper to find out what life has in store for me. It’s like cigarette. You go easy at first, but then a pack of Malboro 10 can’t keep you at peace anymore. You need to climb the number up to 20 and before you know it, you’re a freaking chain smoker. Horoscope was my ciggies. A daily horoscope won’t do me any good, I need to know what will happen to me for the rest of the week. Or better still, why not find out for the whole month!!!!! Ah….the hell with a month, I’ll find myself a fortuneteller who can predict my whole future! What a brilliant idea!

So I took my craziness for fortunetelling one step further. Daily free consultation from local newspaper is not sufficient anymore. I need a stronger dose. My first fortuneteller was Master Chin. It was a coincidence really…coz I found him while jalan-jalan at Great Eastern Mall. I heard this guy is quite famous and he is pretty good. He can predict the future accurately. He even predicted siti nurhaliza’s career (at least that’s what the newspaper cutting on his wall said……..) so I thought this guy must worth something. He charged me RM30 for a few minutes consultation. I choose palm reading as I don’t believe in those tarot cards. He said that I have short temper, authoritative and difficult to control…….OK….so far so good….he also said that I always want to be free and I have knee problem. Hell I didn’t pay you 30 bucks to tell me something that I already know. Tell me something else!!!! (But I said this in my heart only lar…..takut gak la nak mengamuk hehe…..) But my time was up. I asked him about my career and he said that will cost me another RM30. Aww…come on…..I think he’s full of crap. But before I go, I asked him whether I will ever get married? He smiled back and said “of course. Not to worry”. At that moment, I felt like a child who tasted candy for the first time. I was back in my comfort zone. Fortunetelling made me smile…….

My mum was soooo mad when she heard that I went to see the fortuneteller. I told her that it won’t compromise my beliefs and that I didn’t believe the guy totally, I just need some assurance. That’s all. The funny thing is, it didn’t just stop there. I had another encounter with a fortuneteller. But this time it’s free. This guy is a Buddhist monk from a temple. Very pious….very accurate (according to my friend……..). It was also purely coincidence. There was this one Sunday, I went back to my office to finish some work. And my boss came in with this monk. We just had a renovation in the office, so she bring the monk to see whether the feng shui was right and I jumped at the opportunity. Since the monk couldn’t speak English or malay and I can’t speak Chinese, I had to use my boss as the translator (sigh…….what an invasion of privacy). But I need to know.

He said that I will lead a good and healthy life. I will have a good career but I am not very ambitious. I feel contented easily and I always have someone to save me every time I encounter problem. He asked me whether there’s anything else I need to know. I sheepishly told my boss to asked the monk whether I will ever get married. He said that if I don’t have a boyfriend, I will meet this guy on the ninth month. And if I already have one, that year will be a good year to get married. Again….i was relieved. Wohooo!!!!!My bread and butter pudding is indeed in the menu. I just haven’t reach there yet. It might be at the end of the buffet table, but it’s comforting to know that it’s there. Somebody just told me it’s there. So all I need to do is wait till the ninth month and the right person will come.

1 month before the ninth month, I realized that the monk didn’t tell me ninth month of which calendar! Oh this is brilliant!!!! I guess I just have to wait and find out. September came and i got a little agitated. I nervously smiled back at any Tom, Dick and Harry who smiled at me thinking that he might be the one. But nothing happen! My friend said that it maybe on the ninth month of the muslim calendar (which is Ramadhan) since I’m a muslim. So when Ramadhan arrived, I accepted every buka puasa invitation hoping that the right guy will show. But again…….in vain. My friend said that I got it all wrong. It must be on the ninth month of the Chinese calendar (which is Chinese new year) since the fortuneteller is a Buddhist monk. Hahaha…..and you guess it……Not a single soul show up. I was disappointed cause I run out of calendar to match the ninth month with and even more disappointed at myself for letting the whole fortunetelling thing got to me. I guess I just leave it to god’s good humour, the way it should be.

And now when my friend offer me the horoscope section, I look at her and said “are you kidding me? I should have been married by now. Stupid horoscope” well I guess I just need to rely on me, myself & I…………

Office War

2005-06-10T18:19:00.000-07:00

It all started wen Aman accidentally inserted Alex's add in his email last thursday.......and that's how the war begin......

9/06/05

AS: This one is specially for you ladies ......

LAL: R u sure it's in putrajaya??? LOL...since wen does ALB become one of the ladies? wait a minute.....i know 2 of u gays always hang out together, but are u guys really.........................?????????????????????? does ALB................ is the "woman"?

10/06/05

AS : BTW, I take that statement as extremely insulting. I may be getting old, but I am not that desperate lah. Have much better taste !!!!!........better taste in ties anyways !!!! (I hope)

ALB: I'm deeply offended as well. I'm straight and I have preference for chicks whom speaks with accents!!!

LAL: U guys it's yesterday news la.........no mood to reply lar........Besides i have no issues with gay. I accept it as a lifestyle. No big deal bout being gay lar.....But for the record I'm straight ok. Oh yeah BTW ALB, it's official today that ur not a gay. a gay wouldn't have choose that tie. Individually the tie & shirt are nice, but wen u put it together.......mmm........umm.....just in case later u puke again on ur shirt, the tie+shirt combination might hv something to do with it. Ops.....(will i still get the vios????)

ALB: What is wrong with the tie and shirt combination. Until and unless you clarify that you are not getting your Vios although the sale for the aircraft might some how go through. Again, I'm deeply offended.

LAL: Not getting me vios??? er.......umm....well actually i think the blue checkered shirt is the "in-thing" now coz i noticed r*** had one too. Looks similar to yours, just that he's maybe 3 size bigger. (Hey looks like u guys have the same taste!!!!!). And the brownish gold color tie actually highlight the feature of ur face which indirectly highlight the colour of ur hair. So base on the 2 premise that blue checkered shirt is the "in-thing" and the tie makes u glow. It shouldn't be such a bad combination.............er...rite AS?

ALB: Please do not associate me with R***, for the record, we do not share the same taste although we may "sort of like" have the same shirt with the same design. He is oversize and not good looking at all, which I'm not implying that I am but I stand a better chance than him in charm wise.

However, I kind if like your clarification in relation to the tie and shirt combination, therefore you are in the running now with A*** of P**/TYY/AS for the reward in the event the sale go through.

AS: I think the oversize matter is all to do with age.....its just a matter of time joe !!!!..............but I agree. No idea what LAL is on about. You are nothing like fatty. Its like comparing a Sahib (ie fatty) to a 30 years old single malt ..............so am I still in the running ah

LAL: Man in purple colour shirt!!! yes you !!!!!!the one that sit at the back, 2 cubicles away from the toilet!!!! yes u!!!!! Shut up!!!!!

Oh and don't argue.The colour IS purple not lavender.....Okay.......

and ALB i'm not trying to compare u to r***....all i'm saying is that you have the same taste in shirt with a man who earn 35k a month by doing nothing the whole day. U might sit in his chair that's all............

AS: OIIIIIIIIII mahcik.......so it comes down to this lah. Just coz you screwed up and the chances of you getting the vios is zero to none, you have to rubbish my shirt. Well thats it man,. This is war....don't play play.

Alex don't fall for her crap lah. She was comparing you to R***. Now she has changed a plan of attack just to kiss you're ass lah. In fact, I didn't even notice your dressing today until she told me about it. I actually thought it was OK until she convinced me otherwise. Don't fall for her crafty tricks joe. You the man and not R***.

BTW.....its lavender lah !!!!!

ALB: I tell you ah, you both are the same la. Let's put an end to this and enjoy the peace and quiet since she is not around and we are all counting the minutes.

LAL: Eh???? she's gone? wow no wonder i'm feeling better already. Okla aman, It's lavender......whatever makes u sleep at night ok.............;)

AS: who da man ! who da man. Whose your daddy !!!!!...........yeah man, you're darn right its lavender !!!!

The war was over in 30 minutes and the guys headed off to savanh for a couple of drinks. A couple of round of whiskey coke should cool them down. Sorry guys, couldn't joint u guys again this time. No there's no hot date for me tonight, but i've got something else to do. Darn, if only i know mark is coming tonite, i would have join u guys. Sigh.......

Ayah's thought

2005-06-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

I need some distraction...... I've done too much reading and researching lately for one of the file that i handle. A small distraction would be good for my brain i guess. I don't have much choice to navigate away from what i'm doing at the moment. It's either surfing stockmarket news (which is also part of my work), or i could kepo around the office....But everyone else seems pretty darn busy and i'm too lazy to peel myself off my chair. Stockmarket is wayyyyy too dull, I think it'll make my brain freeze.....so i think i'll blog.

It's my oldman besday today. so HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYAH!!! my dad does influence the way i think. He may not be the most successful man and there's nothing much impressive about what he achieved...and my mum and my dad ALWAYS had different opinion towards certain things.....but yet my mum stuck to him like glue....they are inseparable. There must be something really enticing about him....as i get older i realize that it's his thought. I love having arguments about certain topic with my dad and what i love the most is about us......being a Malay. Ayah alway said that "Melayu adalah satu bangsa yang tak ada indentiti". He's not ashamed of being a malay (altho he's not 100%), but he regret that we never realize that. Lemme quoate what my ayah said to me while sending me to work

"Macamana org melayu sempat nak cari identiti sendiri? Kita tak habis2 kena jajah. Baik org portugis, Inggeris, Jepun suma dah penah jajah kita. Cuba perati betul2. Apa yg kita betul2 ada? Tulisan pun tiru org putih. Jawi tu tulisan arab, bukan tulisan kita. Orang cina ade tulisan sendiri, org India ada tulisan sendiri, org burma pun... ada tulisan sendiri tapi org melayu?Kita ni cepat sgt terpengaruh, tu yang senang kena jajah. cuba tgk org kita suka tgk cerite hindustan, citer cina, citer org putih, filipina. Ade diorang suma suka tgk cite kita??? Awak tu Aida, kalau tgk cite org putih tak boleh tinggal. (hehe....aku le tu) Dari dulu kena jajah....sampai sekarang ni pun org putih dpt jajah pemikiran kita. Ayah peratikan dari dulu...yg mampu jd pemerintah yg baik hanyalah org yg ada darah penjajah. Mcm dulu Datuk Harun (Honestly i don't know who datuk harun is, but my dad said he's a real malay hero) ade darah minangkabau, Tun Razak darah bugis.... org2 mcm ni bagus Jd pemerintah, sbb semangat diorang tinggi. Org yg ada darah penjajah ni sifat dia lain. Mcm british dulu, masa dtg sini dia buat bangunan cantik2, dia ajar kita undang2 hutan, undang2 pekerja. kalau tidak.... sampai sekarang org melayu kira tanah ikut depa kot...Entahlah....Pak Lah ni takde darah penjajah....taktaula boleh ke tidaknye....."

Hehe....that was a snapshot of my dad thoughts which actually made me think "Betul jugak ape yg ayah cakap tu". But my mum will give her standard comment - "Dah la abang ni...pagi2 lg dah menceceh....boring la....asyik ulang benda yg sama je.......Aida kuatkan skit radio tu." And no wonder people say opposite attract.

2005-06-06T18:17:00.000-07:00

Haven't been blogging for almost 2 weeks. I wonder what will be a good topic to rattle about. Hmm...lets see. Yup of course - Demam Akademi Fantasia Musim Ke-3. I think this is the most widely watched reality TV in Malaysia at the moment. To tell you the truth, i don't know what's the big deal about this program? I had never watch it before. Ok i watch the final concert of AF2, but that because i was stuck at my friend's house and i the remote control is beyond my authority. If given a choice i would rather watch Bintang RTM hehe......Ade gak la sekali sekala terbabas tgk Imbasan / Diari AF ni while tukar2 channel....but somehow ianya masih tak berjaya to attract me.

Well basically you just gather a bunch of so called "students" in a so called "Academy" and guide them on how to become a good singer / performer. It's interesting to note that i didn't find any of the student actually sing well or did well in the end. I personally think it's just a huge marketing ploy made up by Astro (Err...will i get sued for this???) Based on my short experience with AF2, there was this girl called farah who cried over a robot / camera if i'm not mistaken (and i think the camera had a name) Oh!!!! for Heaven's sake how fake can u get. They are basically rooting on the viewers vote. And in order to do that, they need to personified the viewers by faking their private life to the public.

Lets us hav an example. Let say u visited a friend at his/her parents house (bear in mind u never meet the family before) would you actually show you true colour? Ekk...the Answer is a big N.O. u need to fake it a bit so you're likeable. same principle apply here. and the Key word is F.A.K.E
So my verdict on Akademi Fantasia (Drum roll please!!!!!.......):

"A Lame non-mind-challenging-waste-of-money-and-time show that didn't actually generate any talent"

A peep into my hope, my wish, my current life

2005-05-27T16:31:00.000-07:00

1. Songs

i) Fourplay - Maybe tonight
ii) Bali Lounge - something's wrong
iii) These are the days - Jamie Cullum
iv) Dewa - Pupus
v) Peterpan - Khayalan Tingkat Tinggi

2. Tv show

i) Arrested Development
ii) The O.C
iii) Lost
iv) CSI

3. Movie

i) Star Wars saga
ii) Lord of the Ring trilogy
iii) Trainspotting

4. Food

i) Tau Foo Fah
ii) Chacos BBQ
iii) Nasi Lemak
iv) Any junk food

5. Book

I'm currently reading Eva Peron by Alicia Dujovne Ortiz

6. Overused phrase

i) Eat shit and die
ii) Screw them
iii) I don't give a shit
iv) Not my problem

7. Obsessed over

i) Fotopages
ii) Camera
iii) Lenses

8. Wish i have

i) Peugeout 206 cabriolet or Bettle cabriolet
ii) Canon 1D Mark DSLR
iii) A piece of land facing the ocean in kuala linggi
iv) Mamiya medium format camera

9. Wish i have more

i) Money
ii) Shoes
iii) Handbags

10. Wish i could

i) Backpacking to cambodia / vietnam / India
ii) Go to south africa
iii) Visit marakesh and stay with the nomadic
iv) Change the world

2005-05-17T17:47:00.000-07:00

a verse from my current favorite song:

"Ashitori mo karukushite chao chao
Toru mono mo tori aezu chao chao
Raion ga unaru mitai na raimei ga
Taisan o unagashiteiru
dou naru no?
sou....mou sugu ame"

This song keep on repeating in my mind over and over again. and with the headache i'm having, i think it help to ease the pain a bit. Another day without the bosses. I tot i'm only super lazy on Monday. Looks like the lazy syndrome is here to stay for the whole week. God! help me go tru the week plzzz.......Urgh! My head is heavier than concrete, I feel like my eyes is bigger than tennis ball, my nose is more red than a boiled lobster and my face more swollen than an orang utan's. This flu is killing me!!!!! I think i'll sing again. This song is from my favorite cartoon - Samurai X, the singer is quite famous in Japan apparently. Anyway i love it. I love the jazzy feel in it. makes me feel good.

I didn't do much today. suppose to finish a proposal, a research on energy supply company and and Venture cap coy. suma malas nak buat. Well actually i'm saving it for tomorrow when the bosses are in. Kena tunjuk rajin sket betul tak. But honestly, my motivational level is currently -40. Hahaha....yes yes i'm motivationally challenge!. Besides the flu just makes things worst.

It's already 5.41 pm and i'm officially gonna tutup kedai soon. Amik tren balik umah and had to do alot of reading re energy supply coy. damn! nasib baik dah takde citer American next top model. kalau tak memang tak jadi keje. Rasanya macam nak sampai tren station pun tak larat. mesti penuh lak tu. Tambahlak ari hujan. I miss my car :( takpelah D20 and lensbabies punya pasal akan ku lakukan apa saja.

2005-05-16T00:43:00.000-07:00

I've finished one of my report this morning. The bosses are not in, so i guessed lepak la ari ni. Besides it's monday. Normal la kalau malas nak keje. My mum said i need to change my lifestyle including my "polar pemakanan" (can't believe my mum actually came up with that suggestion). "Stop going to all those fancy places, it's bloody expensive". Well i admit that it was my fault. Usually when i receive my credit card statement, i just check whether all the purchases are mine and make the payment. I never keep track of how much i had spent. For this month's bill, i decided to track how much i have spent in the last 1 and 1/2 years. I was in for a surprise. It came up to a whopping RM25k. Gile aper? tu baru satu kad. I don't dare to check my other card. Praying very hard it's not that much.

I was soooo disspointed with myself and regreted all my impulses shopping and my uncontrolable appetite towards clothes/shoes/handbags/camera accessories. I think i need help. I break the news to my mum and as expected she freaked out. She said i better learn to control my spending. Thank god i never missed my payment or else citibank would have declare me a bankrupt. Now i leave both of my cards with my mum. I don't trust myself with it anymore.

Well i haven't been shopping for a month now (That's a good start), and i don't drive to work anymore to save up for the camera of my dream. Argh....but today while surfing the net i saw this fabulous lensbabies. and i just can't resist. I need to have one. I must have one. Camana ni? maybe i need to start selling my work to raise funds. any takers?

2005-05-13T09:16:00.000-07:00

"Assalamualaikum, Cik Latifah, Mak su nak pi umrah bulan depan. Ingat nak tanya cuti mak su ada lagi ka? Insyaallah kalau boleh mak su nak amik cuti dari 9 haribulan sampai 31 haribulan. bolehka?" Mak su is my cleaner for one of the business i took over. She is a nice lady, very humble, very helpful. I still remember when i went down to penang to conduct an inspection at the factory she will bring me around (as i was not familiar) and sometimes i can hear her reciting the holy Quran in her free time. Good for her she's going for Umrah. She called me during weekend so i couldn't check her employment file. I made a mental note to check it on Monday.

Based on her contract she was reinstated back in the Company based on month to month basis. Basically, if she don't turn up for work the whole month, then she won't get paid. I can't tell her that. I don't have the heart to do that. She called again and i just said "Insyaallah ada, Mak su jangan risau". I just keep this to myself and did not report it to my boss. Incase she doesn't want to pay her. I guess it's between mak su, me and Allah.

Last night i reached home around 8pm. heard my mobile rang and it's penang number. Too lazy to pick up (Guessing it's work again). But hey what the heck! "Assalamualaikum" I heard a familiar voice on the other end. "Walaikumsalam, Mak su sihat? Tak bertolak lagi ke?" She called before her departure to Jeddah to apologize if she had made any mistakes while working for me. To halalkan all she had done and to pray for her. I was touched. I can't believe that i can leave that kind of impact on someone elses life. She was merely a stranger to me. But not anymore after tonight. She made me realize how i have lost my human touch. How being in this line for 2 years slowly turn me into a cold blooded person. She know that eventually i would have to terminate her. I've terminated the rest of the workers. She knows that she is just waiting for her time to come. But yet she still welcome me and respect me.

She will arrive in Jeddah after Isyak tonight. May she be well and healthy. May Allah protect her always. Mak su you don't have to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. Saya halalkan makan minum mak su.

What's happening to us? II

2005-05-12T17:45:00.000-07:00

I'm suppose to write a report for 2 clients, but it seems like i didn't even make an attempt to start. Mungkin kalau dah blog 2/3 ayat ok kot. betul2 takde mood. Anyway, today's blog gonna be about version 2 of "what's happening to us?" There are 3 things in life that i feel strongly about :

1) Corruption
2) Capital punishment
3) My Job (at this point in time)

Haha... I'm gonna bore whoever reading.....but hey do i care???? Tapi rasanya citer pasal corruption la dulu.....

Corruption

When i was young and foolish (Bak kata William Butler Yeats), i used to adore the former PM of my beloved bolehland and regard him as a role-model and father of modernization. I was sooo gullible and naive. During a meaningful conversation with my dad only i realize yg dia takde pun buat ape2 yg hebat, especially utk org melayu. my dad asked? "apa kemajuan bangsa melayu setakat ni? ade dia hantar org melayu belaja free? ada dia bantu mana2 anak org melayu yg tercicir? ade makin senang nak dpt pinjaman pelajaran? ade makin senag org melayu nak start meniaga? mana ada... makin susah adela dek heboh KLCC la Sepang la. Tak ape faedahnya tuk org melayu taktau la. banyak benda lain lagi bley buat ngan duit tu."(Petikan kata-kata ayah aku) During the Anwar time, i am not one of those students who supported Anwar. I was in the opposite camp and proudly annouced that i will not bite the hand that feed me. Little did i realize that they have been feeding me dirt....... There were 2 factors that triggered me to write bout this 1) the increase in the oil price and 2) The interviewed made by BBC with Anwar Ibrahim last night (or was it the night before?) in Hardtalk.

I heard in a morning show yesterday discussing about "pesta naik harga" A lot of callers called in to complain on how drastic the price increase in almost every big state in bolehland. seriously speaking...i don't think it's the wisest move. I'm not sure whether bapak2 menteri sekelian had actually think about the effect before deciding on the price increase. They can increase the price but warn other people not to take advantage by increasing prices for their goods? where's the logic there? Come on people...today's newspaper reported that bawal hitam naik sehingga RM10. mahal gile. but we have to think that all these fisherman nak kena guna bot nak tangkap ikan. guna bot kena pakai minyak. dah tangkap pemborong plak nak kena bawak gi pasar. bukan pakai basikal tapi lori. minyak lagi.... ni kira dah 2 kali increase. we can't expect all these people to absorb the lost. okla mungkin diorang tak bley la naik mendadak. but newsflash!! who's giving them the opportunity? bukan gomen yg start naik dulu ke?

something is not right here. Teringat interview AI last night. I'm not one of the people who supported his political view / goal. But i have to agree with him when he said that we need to reform. not necessarily in the party ruling this country but reformation in our judicial system, cronism and nepotism. I'm not sure whether AI is totally clean from corruption but one thing i know for sure is that our gomen is way.....too corrupted. Apa jadi ngan case officer JAS yg kena bunuh tu? what bout kes Bukit cherakah? MRR2 retak? macam macam ada..... bak kata pak abas astro. mcm2 perangai ada. I told my mum that if i ever got a speed ticket, i will never offer the police any duit kopi. If they asked i will tell them that i rather pay a higher fine than pay them duit kopi. I know it might sound stupid, but hey that's my prinsip.

Omigod will i get caught for this? Hey i'm free to speak my mind right? aren't we a free country? ah ye ke?????

What's happening to us?

2005-05-11T09:26:00.000-07:00

I came back last night just in time for bulletin utama and you can’t imagine how shocked I was when I heard the first news that came up. “A boy (Ahmad Harizal) was sent to prison for skipping National Service”. Based on the news, Harizal was working in a paddy field during the 3 months course to help the family make ends meet. He came from a poor family and they basically live in a rundown hut. He said that he didn’t even know that his name came up for NS. He was detained by the police and the magistrate gave him 2 options. Either to pay RM600 penalty or he has to go to prison for 14 days. This poor boy said that he doesn’t have that amount of money to pay the court and his mother couldn’t afford to pay that money as well. So he opted for the prison. What kind of world are we living in?

Harizal skip NS to serve his family. To his eyes, this is more important than having fun at the NS camp. The magistrate justification for his/her decision was that “it is for the good of the public so that they know the importance of the NS”. Importance? What importance? As far as I know, all the candidates who joined this programmed commented that they had fun and happy that they can meet new friends. And as far as I remember, nobody commented how much they love this country and will strive to be a better person to serve this country, or how they willing to fight for this country. Based on this, I have to agree with Harizal. To my eyes he is a Hero. He is much better than those students who went for the National service. He is mature enough to judge which is more important in his life. He doesn’t need NS camp to mold him into a responsible person. He already is. I’m proud of him although I never met him.

My tears was running like river when I heard the news last night for what’s happening to Harizal. I wonder whether the magistrate think of what will happen to Harizal’s family if he stop work for 14 days. Would he be able to get his job back after his release from prison? What will happen to his future for his record in prison? This boy is just 19 years old. He didn’t commit any offence. The only offence he did was to put his family first (The judge think it’s an offence or else he / she wouldn’t have made the decision). He has bright future in front of him and he still has a long way to go. The magistrate has to weigh all these before making his/her decision. I pray that the magistrate can’t sleep well after this.

I was happy to know that Malaysian is a very caring society. Right after the news, TV3 newsroom was flooded with phone calls from good samaritans who’s willing to pay for Harizal’s penalty. They even requested for Harizal’s address to give donation to his family. Way to go Malaysians! I’m proud of you and I’m proud to be one as well. I’m just disappointed with our government and the system.

Harizal to my eyes you are a hero!

Show hampeh!

2005-05-10T08:58:00.000-07:00

Today i wanna bitch 'bout a drama series aired on TV2. It's called rafflesia. Ok everyone can stop smiling now. I know, i know it's an RTM show but i thought i told u guys that TV is my only source of entertainment. well unfortunately it still is. I've been following this series since from the beginning because azizan nin is one of the main player (i thought he's quite cute at first). and like any other drama series, i kinda like stuck to it. The storyline is not too bad. It's predictable (very common in malay drama series) but somehow it managed to entice me. Last night was the final episode. Me and my mum who religiously follow the episode can't wait for the ending. So we had early dinner, do the dishes and sit in front of the TV. 1/2 an hour past, but i still can't figure out how the hell the director going to end this story since there's still a zillion questions unanswered and we only have 1/2 an hour left. ahah! it becoming more enticing. If the director can end the story well, he must be a genius! well the commercial took up almost 15 minutes of the remaining time and guess what the show ended in the most unimaginable stupidest way. It just ended without any solution to all the maincast problem.

Bloodyhell!!!! I've waited so long for the final episode and this is what they gave me. I sacrificed my trip to Borders last night so that i can watch the stupid ending???? (Btw, if i haven't mention i'm also a book geek - Boring!) My dad was laughing looking at our shocked face. "Biasala tu Tv1 ke Tv2 sama je perangai. Dua-dua RTM.....dia bukannya peduli citer tu ending dia betul ke tak betul, habis ke tidak ke episod tu. Yang dia tau oh next week nak kena masuk citer baru...so berenti je la takat ni.....mmmm RTM sama je perangai diorang tu" My dad was soooo right. There was no ending to last night episode. And i was pretty sure in the penultimate episode, they did show a few clips for the final episode and some of those clips didn't even appear. I don't know what happen to Adam Haris? What happen to Robert's wife who said that she will destroy akma? what happen to the lawyer who proposed to akma? Did akma and amin ever find out who their father was? Did Dayah actually died? who the hell trying to run over akma and dayah? who killed Robert????? Argh!!!!! Apa ni??? where the hell is the answer to all these?

Camana nak sokong citer melayu cam ni?? I know i made a lot of complain while watching the series cause clearly the scriptwriter didn't do enough research before writing the story. He/she need to get their facts right (Again - very common in malay drama / film). But i'm willing to overlook those little things and just concentrate of the juice of the story and they gave me shitty ending. Serik la nak tgk drama melayu lagi. I admit there were several good drama but rafflesia is definitely not one of those!

Strange dreams.......

2005-05-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

Some says that dream is like a preminition you have of your future. It's a sign of what life have in store for you. Some says that it's just 'mainan tidur'. It doesn't really mean a thing. Lately i have a series of dream that is rather strange....At first i dreamt that the guy i like actually broke up with me and told me that he has no feelings whatsoever towards me (isk..isk). It was pretty sad. But it didn't really bother me. I guess it must be because he hasn't call me for several days. Then on the second night, the same dream occur. This time around, it's different setting, but the same storyline. He broke up with me!!! how is this possible????. we weren't even a couple. So i guess it's a sign. He didn't call me for several days, he didn't even text me and these series of dreams occurs. It has to be a sign. Funny things is i felt better after the dreams. At least i have decided that there's fat chance that things are not gonna work out between us. So the fact that he didn't call didn't really bother me.

Later that week i dreamt that i was a fish. A fish! for crying out loud!!! I told my friend and she was laughing hysterically. "How the hell you know that you're a fish? did u look at yourself in the mirror??" well actually no i didn't. I just know that i'm a fish. Besides, when you watch one of those national geographic channel where the fishes keep their eggs / kidddies in their mouth until their mature enough to be released? i did exactly that! so i had to be a fish!Then my friend ask again whether i dream in colours? Of course i dream in colours! i even dream in surround sound!! hahahaha...... I guess i watch too much TV. that's the problem with me. TV is my only source for entertainment :(

After the fish incident, i dream again. This time around, i'm no longer a fish. Instead i'm a sailor working on a ship (singing all at sea by Jamie Cullum).......I'm such a sad case.

This morning i received a text message from my cousin. "Aida, call akak cepat. ada hal penting nak cakap" i was worried, she never send that kind of msg to me before. normally she only text me when she wants to know a recipe from my mum. This sounds serious...... so i called her."Kenapa kak? macam seres je bunyi?" and then she laughed. Actually she dreamt about me. She dreamt that there were water everywhere and i was crossing a flooded river. she can only see my head and then she saw me floating. She thought i was dead, but i wasn't. I was just pulling a practical joke on her. But i was alive. So she called to see whether i'm alright and to tell me that water represent wealth. and there is great possibility that i will encounter wealth or happiness. And she got the sign first.

Come to think of it i dreamt that i was a fish and a sailor. I was surrounded by water. and now someoneelse dreamt about me surrounded by water again. could it possibly mean that i will find wealth & happiness? I'm not sure whether to believe it or not, but i sure hope it will come true ;)

2005-05-05T18:23:00.000-07:00

Rasa mcm poyo plak poem ni. But here goes.....

Tenang sahaja hati, ku harus bisa menanti
walau bagai remuk dihimpit ragu
dan rasa sangsi

Cuba senyum kembali bibir
Kisah ini belum berakhir
Masih tercari-cari….
Terlalu mentah, belum terlihat noktah

Hati ini belum terkunci
Kasih ini belum terbagi
Tenang sahaja hati…
Ku harus bisa menanti…..

Ok....don't have to make faces. Ana! dah... takyah nak buat muka tuh.Hey, even a cold insensitive egoist like me still have a soft spot. Mine happen to be poetry and photography. (I guess i'm not really insensitive huh?). Normally when i try to express myself, it will be in these 2 froms of arts. I am not a very patient person. When i like something, i will just go for it (That explains my alarming credit card bills). But that's not the case when i like a guy. Coz when a human likes another human, it requires and exchange of feelings by both parties. This is when i get really agitated coz i can't control what the other person feel. I can't force him to return my feelings. so the best thing to do is wait and hope for the best. This is exactly one thing i'm not good at - waiting. I don't like to wait.

It's been 8 days since i last spoke to this guy i like. He didn't call, he didn't even bother to send text msg. He never done this before. I'm beginning to wonder whether history will repeat itself. If it really it, then i guess i'm the fool again. I'm not sure whether i should make a move and call him or just wait for him to call. wait? oh god i can't stand this.

I know that there's nothing betweeen us. But we've been out a few times. That should qualify at least as a friend right? but what's happening here????? I tried to pacify myself by writing that poem. I think i should try to call him.

2005-05-03T12:55:00.000-07:00

Before the dinner.

2005-05-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

Not sure what are they laughing at

2005-05-03T12:51:00.000-07:00

waiting for the cake

2005-05-03T12:40:00.000-07:00

My life is not that interesting i guess...We had a long weekend but i didn't do anything, except on sunday. My friend invited me to his friend's place to have dinner and to watch the sunset. apparently this guy's place was featured in several local ID mag so i figured, why not. Plus i can practice my skill. So i accepted. The house is in hulu langat located on top of a hill. Quite secluded but surrounded with lush greenery. I don't think i should post it in this blog coz i don't know whether the owner will permit it. Anyway, here are some pictures of us having dinner. Me of course not in the picture as i was the photographer.

2005-04-30T08:53:00.000-07:00

It's saturday night and as usual, i will just sit infront of the TV and channel hoping. Mak ngan ayah pegi kenduri arwah kat kajang. Malaslak nak ikut. My mom was cracking her head trying to come up with some excuses why i couldn't join the kenduri -this is the third time (i think) i avoid it. so finally we agreed on me going outstation - same 'ol reason...... Actually main reason i refused to follow was because ada show peterpan kat Astro, plus ada plak AIM on ntv7. Not that i'm a big fan of AIM, but i guess it will be something different from my normal saturday routine.

Yesterday when i came back from work, my mom handed over 2 wedding invitations for me. I took it and didn't say anything knowing very well she will ask when will i ever consider having a boyfriend....Argh!!!!! I'm sick of this question. I wonder why nobody believe me when i say i don't have a boyfriend. sumpah. as matter of fact i never had one. "Takkan la takde kot. tak percayalah..." well believe me, neither do i. My friends said that i'm not approachable, I don't talk much, too much ego, control freak, impatient, too much confident and always need to stay ahead all the time. I don't think any of the above a bad thing isn't it? I read an article in Cleo while getting my hair done this morning. It said that men will lose interest in women who chase them.Duh!!!! I spent the whole of my adult life waiting for man to chase me but nobody ever cross the finish line. They normally stop at the friendship level. To be honest, i have a lot of male friends. None of them ever try to take our frienship a step further. They just stop there....Why? i don't have the answer. My collegues told me that i'm too independent and these men always feel useless around me. They feel intimidated. So i need to act stupid sometime. I don't think that's the answer i'm looking for. Why would i want to be with somebody who wants me to be someone else?

Well i'm proud of who i am. I'm proud that i can buy whatever i want with money that i make. I'm proud that i'm smart. I'm proud that i'm independent. I'm proud that i can speak my mind whenever i feel like it. I'm proud of what i have accomplished so far and proud knowing that i will follow my dream no matter how long it will take. My man don't have to be rich. he don't have to be drop dead gorgeous. All he need to do is to accept me for who i am an willing to spent the rest of his life with an egoistic control freak like me. I'm not choosy like what some people said. I know i'm not perfect. I know nobody's perfect, so i can't ask for the sky. Happiness is not about being perfect. Its about your ability to see beyond the imperfection. I think i'll wait for him to come knocking on my door. But...waiting for love is like waiting for a cab. Your hands are ready to waive for the cab to stop. But it never there when you need it. Just when you are about to walk away, you can see the headlight approaching you...but by that time you are already too tired of waiting and decided to just walk away and ignore the cab....

I hope my cab will come in time...so i don't have to walk ;)

2005-04-30T08:49:00.000-07:00

Took this pic from the balcony of my room. see this bird almost everyday landing on the same spot every evening (not sure whether it's the same bird that land there everyday). So i decided to capture it - tru my lense of course

Insensitive

2005-04-29T09:10:00.000-07:00

How do you cool your lips?
After a summers kiss..
How do you rid the sweat?
After the body bliss..

How do you turn your eyes?
From the romantic glare..
How do you block the sound of a voice?
You'd know anywhere..

Oh I really should've known
by the time you drove me home
by the vagueness in your eyes
the casual goodbyes
by the chill in your embrace
the expression on your face
told me
maybe you might have some advice to give
on how to be insensitive

How do you numb your skin ??
after the warmest touch
How do slow your blood?
After the body rush..How do you free your soul?
After you found a friend..
How do you teach your heart its a crime??
to fall in love again...

Oh you probably won’t remember me
It's probably ancient history
I'm one of the chosen few who went ahead
and fell for you
I'm out of bold i'm out of touch
I fell to fast I feel to much

I thought you might have some advice to give
on how to be insensitive...

This song by Jane Arden is sooooo me. It actually has become my theme song. I guess i'm a bit unlucky in the love department. I know, i know it's a boring topic but hey i can't help it. The only thing i think i lack in my life at this very moment is a significant other. I seriously don't know why. I guess Jane Arden was right - "I fell too fast, I feel too much". I don't come across many guys that i have feeling for....except for one. I met him at Uni. We were friends at first and it didn't actually occur to me that i like him until one fateful night. we were having a bbq party at the beach and he decided to get some water. i volunteered to help him. while he was driving, he didn't notice this pothole and went tru it. Immediately he turned to me and said "are u ok?" and at that very moment stupid cupid fire the bloody arrow to me. such a stupid thing to fall for. But that's the truth. I have always been an independent person my whole life and to have someone else who actually concern bout my well being (except my family of course) is quite overwhelming. So i fell for him and i fell hard. real hard. since then, everytime i saw him i can't stop smiling. I bet he didn't even realize it. I bet he didn't even remember the bbq party. But the funny thing is, we seems to have a mutual feeling. he called me quite often and sometimes at the wee hours, he always offered to pick me up when i have a late night meeting, we talked about nonsense and he made me listen to this N'sync song ( i don't remember the title) but it goes something like this - "my world evolves around her". It made me happy......

And then all of a sudden, the phone call stopped. No more outings, I was going tru hell at the moment not knowing what happen. well we haven't actually declared as a couple but it surely feel like one (at least on my side). I made myself busy trying not to think bout him and to keep my sanity. and then i reached the worst stage, where i tried to fool myself. I would leave my phone in my room, put it on a silent mode and watch tv downstairs. so i would fool myself thinking that "oh man....the phone is on a silent mode and it's upstairs, no wonder i can't hear him call" when the truth is he never did.......This thing went on for a few weeks. I can't take it anymore. I went to confront him.

I found out the truth that night. he said that he don't have feelings for me and he never will. "I would never like you". what is that suppose to mean? at that moment my world was falling apart. he didn't even explain why. all he said was that. I thanked him for telling me the truth and for letting me know where i stand. and until this moment i still haven't found out the reason. well i took almost a year to heal. and i actually still think about him.

Met him last week at the cinema. i was watching the eye 10 - stupid movie. He was there with his fiance. I was glad i met him. coz i finally found out that the feeling had dissapeared and i can talk to him like nothing ever happened between us. and the best part is. I was there with a male friend, a quite special male friend................

I'll save it for the next blog

2005-04-28T21:26:00.000-07:00

Ni pun kat zoo gak. apa tah nama menatang ni. tapi nampak relaks gile. cute lak rasanya ehe....

2005-04-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

I took this during an outing at the zoo. Harimau ni malulah nak amik gambar... ;)

I finally did it

2005-04-26T21:04:00.000-07:00

Omigod! I finally did it. God knows how many times i tried to creat this bloody blog but it never worked out. maklumlah buta IT. And finding all those stupid user name and stuff.....it's actually not easy. My whole life i have only 1 e-mail account and having this blog is kinda like a giant step for me.

Never in my life i tot i would ever publish what i feel or what i thought for the public to read. but hey what the heck. not sure where to start though.......but what really thrill me bout this blog thingy is that i can post my photos on the net for the world to see.